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Medicine, Man
By Jeffrey Stanley

ACT ONE. Scene 1.

Dark. A hospital room.

A faint spot FADES UP center stage cloaking CALVIN BARKER, 38, ruggedly handsome despite his shaggy, unkempt hair, in blue shadow. He wears a black, sleeveless t-shirt with a large U.S. flag decal on the front. Tattooed simply in black on his right bicep is the name GINNY but an X has been crudely tattooed over it. On his left bicep is a more colorful tattoo that reads ALABAMA FOREVER. He also wears blue jeans and low-ankle, black biker boots. He stands by the bedside of an unseen patient in the suggestion of a hospital bed. He looks worried.

DR. SUE MORRISON, 35, attractive, fit, and earnest, now appears across from him on the other side of the unseen patient.
Calvin awkwardly watches as Sue moves purposefully about the bed miming an examination of the unseen patient.

CALVIN
(anxious with a thick Appalachian accent)
You reckon you can fix her? She's about all the family I got.

SUE
(clipped and urgent)
You're going to have to do her talking for the moment so sit tight and stay out of the way.

CALVIN
Yes, ma'am.

SUE
When did you find her on the floor?

CALVIN
Today, ma'am.

SUE
Yeah, I said when.

CALVIN
(quickly)
Well, let's see here. Uh. Woulda been—let’s see—I finished watchin' NASCAR Extra around four-thirty, then drove over to Mama's to re-grout her tub. I guess that'da been around five. So yeah, five.
(He steps closer to the bed for a worried look at the patient. He staggers. Sue notices.)

SUE
(looks at her watch)
So three hours ago.

CALVIN
Yes, ma'am. No wait! I stopped to git a 24-pack. So it woulda been more like five-fifteen.

SUE
Have you been drinking, Mr. Barker?

CALVIN
Well. It was a beer and tomato juice afternoon', put it that way. I was gittin' over a hangover. Hair of the dog, y'know.

SUE
I'll have to recheck my med school textbooks. I don't recall a 24-pack of beer being a cure for a hangover.

CALVIN
(pointing over his shoulder with his thumb)
Aw, it ain't all for me! The Pepsi 400's on tonight and—
I got my friend Billy and my girlfriend Alabama and some people comin' over and—

SUE
(annoyed)
The Pepsi what?

CALVIN
The Pepsi 400. It's a race.

SUE
A race?

CALVIN
Where have you been?

SUE
Not around here, obviously.

CALVIN
(checking his watch)
It's comin' on here in just a few minutes. Everybody's prob'ly at my house with Alabama wonderin' where I am.
I done bought chips and—

SUE
A 24-pack.

CALVIN
Yeah, bud. And Cheez Wiz and Chicken-in-a-Biskit crackers and—Alabama's makin' cookies and—my point is we spent some money on this shindig, okay?

SUE
I'm sure your mother feels terrible for interfering with your party.

CALVIN
That ain't what I meant. You know, Dr. Morrison, you got the personality of a landmine, anybody ever tell you that?

SUE
I'm a doctor, not the hospitality director on a cruise ship.

CALVIN
You asked why I bought a 24-pack and I'm tellin' ye.
(angry)
Where's Dr. Walker anyway?
(Sue pushes past him to check
the patient's IV bag.)

SUE
He's on vacation. You're stuck with me.

CALVIN
Hallelujah.

SUE
She was completely unconscious when you found her?

CALVIN
(hesitates)
Uh, yeah. Yes, ma'am.

SUE
(dubious)
You seem uncertain. Has she also been drinking? Is your mother intoxicated?

CALVIN
No, ma'am! She ain't had a drink in 15 years! It was the kitchen floor. The phone was off the hook and it was makin' that quick beepin' noise y' know? Ant! Ant! Ant!

SUE
(smiles condescendingly)
I know the sound.

CALVIN
She musta been tryin' to call somebody when she passed out.
Prob'ly me. I was s'posed to a been there this mornin'.

SUE
There's a lot going on in your mother's lungs. Sounds like a motorcycle in there.

CALVIN
Yeah, but I don't think it's just the cancer pneumonia this time.

SUE
Cancer pneumonia? What do you mean cancer pneumonia?

CALVIN
I forgit. Her REAL doctor—
(Sue gives him a look.)

CALVIN
—he explained it once. Somethin' about a tumor in her lung.
Sue checks the patient's file again.

SUE
(reading)
Chronic post-obstructive pneumonia. Okay. That could explain it.

CALVIN
I-I don't think so. That's what I'm tellin' ye. I think it's different this time.

SUE
I doubt it. She was in here for it last week.

CALVIN
Yeah, and she has emphysema but why would she be passed out? And she was sorta twitchin'.

SUE
Twitching?

CALVIN
I know thangs happen all the time with her. Migraines, backaches, arthur-itis, Old-Timers is startin' to set in—so Dr. Walker told her last time. I mean she's in here a lot. Shoot, this is a normal Saturday afternoon for us. But. What's happening right here, doctor? This? This ain't none a that. This ain't normal.

SUE
Why do you think that?

CALVIN
'Cause I saw—never mind.

SUE
No, you saw what? Besides twitching. Vomit?

CALVIN
Listen, I don't know you, doctor, and I know you don't know me so you're just gonna have to take my word for it that I ain't crazy and I ain't drunk. But when I first saw her in the kitchen this afternoon there was a—funny old Indian man—standin' next to her lookin' at me.

SUE
An old Indian man? You mean a Hindu?

CALVIN
No, no, the American kind. Like the ones I seen on the Cherokee reservation in North Carolina. Mama took me to once when I was a kid.

SUE
What was he doing?

CALVIN
Just standin'.

SUE
Standing? Was he a repairman? The landlord?

CALVIN
I'm the only repairman and she ain't got no landlord. She's a bona fide homeowner and proud of it. Took her years.

SUE
Well, did he break in? Was he a burglar?

CALVIN
Nothin' was missin'.
(embarrassed)
He was just, uh, smilin'. And noddin' at me.

SUE
What was he doing there then?

SUE
Had he struck her? Did he hurt her? I'm going to recheck her for a concussion.

CALVIN
Naw, I—I don't think so.

SUE
Well did you ask who he was?

CALVIN
Yeah, but.

SUE
But what?

CALVIN
He just called me somethin' crazy.

SUE
What did he call you?

CALVIN
I'd rather not repeat it, ma'am. But he said what he said and then he just. Um. Left.

SUE
You let him get away?

CALVIN
He walked right through the door. Only he, uh, he didn't open it first.

SUE
He broke down your door? Did you call the police?

CALVIN
No, that's not it.

SUE
What then?

CALVIN
He just, uh—
(He laughs nervously.)
Shot right on through it. Like he was a, you know, g-word.

SUE
(crosses her arms, skeptical)
G-word.

CALVIN
Ghost. I know it sounds crazy.

SUE
Ah. Now I see. Calvin, I suspect the funny old Indian man was more of an H-word than a G-word. Hallucination. Look at yourself. You're clearly an alcoholic. You're experiencing what is called “delirium tremens.” And you should seek treatment at—

CALVIN
No! Okay, I was drinkin' right, but I don't hallucinate from just two beers. I don't hallucinate from beer at all! Who hallucinates from beer? It ain't even good beer! It's cheap beer!

SUE
Let's skip it for now, okay. I'm going to give you an AA pamphlet on my way out.

CALVIN
(frustrated)
Yes, ma'am.

SUE
What did your mother do for work?

CALVIN
Raised two rugrats and spent her life sewin' down at the weavin' mill. I'm rugrat number one. My twin sister Tracy'll tell you she's the oldest, but it ain't so.

SUE
(with interest)
Your mother was a seamstress?

CALVIN
Everyday. If not at work, then sewin' our clothes at home half the time on weekends. We was rough on our clothes, too, boy. We was a couple a wild children. Like them wolf boys you read about now and then abandoned in the wilderness. Especially me.
(proudly)
She used to tan my hide, boy!

SUE
(looks at him in sympathy)
I'm sorry.

CALVIN
(oblivious)
For what?

SUE
Never mind. How old is she?

CALVIN
65. Naw, 66.
(Sue listens to the patient's chest with a stethoscope.
Just then SWIMMER, Cherokee, 175 but not looking a day over 50, shoulder-length black
hair, mustache and goatee, a red bandana tied around his head, enters from the darkness behind Calvin who hasn't seen him yet.
Together, they watch Sue.)

SUE
Has she ever been diagnosed with asthma?

SWIMMER No, ma'am.

CALVIN
(jumps, startled)
Ah!
(Sue has no awareness of Swimmer.)

SUE
What's wrong?
(Calvin, mortified, takes a giant sidestep away from Swimmer while looking at Sue, trying to be casual.)

CALVIN
Nothin'!

SUE
Did you hear my question? Has she ever been diagnosed with asthma?

SWIMMER
(to Calvin)
It's okay, Goingback. Tell her what I said.

CALVIN
N-no, ma'am. No asthma.
(Calvin, eyes bulging, stares at Swimmer. Swimmer smiles warmly at him.)

SUE
(to Calvin)
Look, I'm not your schoolmarm; you can drop the ma'am.

CALVIN
(to Sue)
Do you see—?
(Concerned, Sue takes a step toward Calvin.)

SUE
Is everything all right?
(Calvin nods timidly "yes," then shakes his head "no.")

SWIMMER
(to Calvin)
It's going to work out, Goingback. Everything will be okay, sweetie.

CALVIN
Sweetie?

SUE
Sweetie? Did you just call me sweetie?

CALVIN
No! I called him sweetie! I mean he called me sweetie! And he called me Goingback!
(Sue unwittingly steps between them)
.
SUE
Mr. Barker, are you feeling well?

CALVIN
No, Dr. Morrison, I most certainly am not. Can I have my AA pamphlet now?

SUE
Come with me, I'm going to find you a nurse. You should sit down. Do you feel faint?
(She unknowingly drags him directly toward Swimmer. Calvin recoils.)

CALVIN
No! I'm fine right here! I'm fine! For real!

SWIMMER
Tell her she's lost, sugar.

CALVIN
(to Swimmer)
Sugar?

SUE
(to Calvin)
Sugar?

SWIMMER
Go on, tell her.

CALVIN
Y-you're lost.

SUE
(concerned)
Calvin? Please come with me.

SWIMMER
Tell her she's looking in the wrong place. Tell her to get out of my lungs.

CALVIN
You're looking in the wrong place. Git out of his lungs.

SUE
Get out of whose lungs?

SWIMMER
(to Calvin)
And remember what I said. It's going to work out.
(Swimmer walks past the bed and into the darkness behind it.)

CALVIN
He did it again! Right through solid drywall!

SUE
Calvin, you need some rest. You need to sober up and you have got to get out of my way.
(She gently backs him out. He resists.)

CALVIN
She's gon' be okay, right?

SUE
We're running a full work-up. I'll know more when I hear from the lab.
(Calvin watches Sue woefully.)

CALVIN
You ain't got no idea what's wrong with her, do ye?

SUE
(feigning confidence)
She's—exhibiting symptoms indicative of more than one potential culprit. We'll run them down one at a time. My primary suspicion is that her unconsciousness pertains to high fever from the pneumonia.
(She takes a deep breath, stifling a very reluctant yawn, rubs her eyes.)

SUE (CONT'D)
Mr. Barker. You need to go.

CALVIN
Dr. Morrison? If my mama's got a high fever then why's she got ice crystals on her face?

SUE
Ice crystals? That's impossible.
(She turns to the patient and GASPS. Calvin and she slowly approach the foot of the bed together and stare down at his mother in awe. Sue grasps his wrist in an unconscious show of empathy.)

SUE
(under her breath)
Oh. My. God.

CALVIN
Somethin's real bad, ain't it?

SUE
You might want to forget about the Dr. Pepper 5000 and stick around the hospital today. Get on the horn to your family. To anyone who cares about her. And tell them to get here. Quick.

CALVIN
Okay, Dr. Morrison. Dr. Morrison?

SUE
(rubbing her temples)
Yes!

CALVIN
Around here we don't say horn. We just say telephone.

End of scene.


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